Earning And Spending Money Essay Samples

Search   Album   FAQ   Memberlist   Profile   Private messages   Register   Log in 

Exams: Good or Bad? | People attend college or university for many different reasons

listening exercises

Message

Author
#1 (permalink) Mon Dec 15, 2014 15:11 pm   Agree or not: Only people who earn a lot of money are successful? 

Hi Mr Luschen. Here is my new essay. This essay made a lot of repetition errors. Would you mind correcting it and find a substitute for me? Thank you in advance. I wish you have a nice day, Mr. Luschen:)

WORK
If people want a high standard of living, they need to earn money. However, earning a lot of money doesn’t mean that people have a good life . For this reason, I strongly disagree with the statement that only people who earn a lot of money is successful.

First, the components of success include not only earning money but also raising family and winning a lot of good friends. Some people get an high-paid job with a remarkable salary and think that they have already been successful. After that, they change their behavior, deliver an ignorance attitude to family and friends because they don’t have time to take care of their family. Gradually, they will be set aside to only live with their money, talk with money and have a dinner with money too. For this reason, those people are definitely not successful without family and friends

Second, people’s success depends on how they spend and enjoy their money. Some people donate money for charity, use money to travel all around the world or simply spend money hanging out with their relatives to exchange for brand new and exciting moments. As a result, they will feel that they are successful because they are satisfied with their life. On the other hand, other people keep working and working to earn more money and do not have enough time to reap the fruit of their labour so they will become exhausted and fed up with their life.

Third, earning money involving illegal activities is not success. For example, imagine that you are a drug dealer. Even though you earn a lot of money but you are not successful because once you get caught , you must to spend the rest of your life in prison. As a result, you will let your relatives and friends down and will be treated disrespectfully by their society.

In conclusion, as I discussed above, I don’t think that earning a lot of money prove one’s success

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of American History
Ukchoe
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 05 Nov 2014
Posts: 12

#2 (permalink) Mon Dec 15, 2014 20:03 pm   Re: Agree or not: Only people who earn a lot of money are successful? 

Hi, I thought you did a pretty good job with this essay. I tried to substitute some synonyms for "earn money". Your essay was clear and convincing. I think your arguments were good and your examples were effective at supporting them. You did have some mistakes here and there and a few awkward sounding phrases, plus you conclusion was a little brief. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

Ukchoe wrote:
Hi Mr Luschen. Here is my new essay. This essay made a lot of repetition errors. Would you mind correcting it and find a substitute for me? Thank you in advance. I [hope] you have a nice day, Mr. Luschen:)

WORK
If people want a high standard of living, they need to earn money. However, [pulling down a large income] doesn’t [necessarily] mean that people have a good life . For this reason, I strongly disagree with the statement that only people who [have large salaries are] successful.

First, the components of success include not only [making] money but also raising [a ]family and winning{"winning" sounds odd in this context} a lot of good friends. Some people get an high-paid job with a remarkable salary and think that they have already been successful.{"are already successful", or better, "they have already achieved success"} After that, they change their behavior, deliver[ing] an ignoran[t ] attitude to family and friends {this phrase is unclear to me - what is an ignorant attitude?} because they don’t have time to take care of their family. Gradually, they will be set aside {"set aside" is a little unclear here - what do you mean?} to only live with their money, talk with [their] money and have dinner with [their] money too. {I really like the last part of this sentence!} For this reason, those people are definitely not successful without family and friends

Second, people’s success depends [more] on how they spend and enjoy their money. Some people donate money for{"to" is better} charity, use money to travel all around the world or simply spend money hanging out with their relatives to exchange for brand new {I guess you are comparing it to a product, but "brand new" doesn't really work here - maybe "memorable"} and exciting moments. As a result, they will feel that they are successful because they are satisfied with their li[ves]. On the other hand, other people keep working and working to earn more money and do not have enough time to reap the fruit of their labour so they will become exhausted and fed up with their li[ves].

Third, [methods of making a living] involving illegal activities is not success. {actually "Third, making a living though illegal activities …" sounds better} For example, imagine that you are a drug dealer. Even though you earn a lot of money {don't use both "Even though" and "but"} you are not successful because once you get caught , you mustspend the rest of your life in prison. As a result, you will let your relatives and friends down and will be treated disrespectfully by their {who is "their"? your relatives and friends' society? a little unclear} society.

In conclusion, as I discussed above, I don’t {avoid contractions} think that [raking in the big bucks] prove[s ] one’s success {your conclusion was a little scanty}

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of American History
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 8638
Location: Nashville TN, USA
Exams: Good or Bad? | People attend college or university for many different reasons

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum



Provided by phpBB ©2001-2018 phpBB Group





Money is very important to live happy life. Nowadays, we cannot buy anything without money. Money is essential to fulfill our basic needs. People, who have lots of money, spend their money as they want. But, people those who have limited money think twice before spending it. I believe it is good to save some money instead of spending it immediately, because we can use that money in case of emergency, and it’s good our future.

First, savings always help us in case of emergency. Problems don’t wait for our permission, so it is always better to be prepared for that. As a student, it is important for me to have some extra savings in my account, because I am away from home; alone at new place for my studies, so savings make me feel relax and helps me in case of emergency. Suppose, if I meet with an accident, then I can use that money immediately, instead of running here and there for help. On the other hand, if I do not have any savings, then I might have to face many problems.

Second, savings always helps in future. It allows people to be relaxed and enjoy life without worries. Savings does not waste; if we could not use that our savings; we could help others, those who are in need of it. For example, we could donate somewhere, such as to the people those who faced natural disasters. Recently, we all heard news about hurricane sandy. People lost their houses, properties and many things. We could help such people. So, savings not only helps us in future, but also allows us to help others.

Finally, some people spend their whole life in making money only; some spend in enjoyment only, both are not good. I believe, maintaining balance between both is essential, because enjoyment is also important to keep ourselves active, relax, and fresh. But, there should be limitations. We should keep track for our expenditure and savings. This helps us to reduce our expenses and increase our savings. Hence, we should save some money for emergency and for future, instead of spending it immediately.

0 Replies to “Earning And Spending Money Essay Samples”

Lascia un Commento

L'indirizzo email non verrà pubblicato. I campi obbligatori sono contrassegnati *